The secret invasion by tulips who are here to take over America

A gift from the flower dons
Photo by Catia Climovich on Unsplash


Secretly, there is a plan for tulips to take over America. They’re elegant and you can buy them for people, but it’s all a great conspiracy by the flower dons, who sit behind desks, who rub their hands together, thinking, how can I make the world more beautiful? I’ll give the world tulips.

They just walk around in their suits, the tulips dons, handing people flowers for no reason. Sometimes the flower recipients are annoyed. They don’t necessarily want to carry tulips in their hand. But most people just take the flowers.

Once, George got up from a restaurant table to use the restroom. And, when he came back, there was a room full of people with flowers, showering him with them.

George, have these flowers, one said.

Thank you, Ron.

George, have these flowers.

Thanks, Judy.

George, have these flowers,

Thanks, have these flowers

Thanks, Jules.

On the ritual went, late into the next morning.

It wasn’t death, but you’d hope them considerate enough to bring a wheel barrow to allow you to take the flowers home. Is this what flower dons get to? Who started this strange tradition? You see, it all started on the park steps on Union Square. The first victim of flower bombing was hit and the strange trend caught on like a storm. People would outdo each other, the stunts more grandiose and extravagant.

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