There really are monsters under your bed, waiting to grab you in the middle of the night while you're sleeping. There really are monsters who sometimes, when you're in bed staring at the ceiling, stare at you from the closet with glowing eyes. There really are morlocks who live in the sewers, who reach out of manholes by the crosswalk. There really are gremlins that chew the wires inside our machines and spit all over the microchips. There really are bigfoots in the forest who go into your cooler to steal your beer. There really are ghosts in old houses that float, waving their arms, howling and opening your cabinet doors because opening cabinets for the dead is interesting. There really are demons you see the moment you're about to die if you've done all the wrong things. They crawl on the walls and the floor toward you. I've heard of one that possesses the bodies of folks behind the wheel of a car so it can make them crash. You'll never know when they will visit. There really are creepy bugs and spiders with super long legs that exist solely to hop on you when you least expect it. There really are reptiles that pretend to be famous people, wearing suits and crowns and military clothing. There are vampires determined to brood, who in a hundred years haven't learned to set up their castle with electronic devices. There's a spirit that laughs when you try to wave sage at it. It waits till you're done waving the sage and have closed the door. Minutes after, it farts, unleashing a fart storm unimaginable since times of old, you scream, but no one is there to save you and the poison gas. green and brown, fills the room. Be wary human. Don't stray too far away from the fire, don't look beyond the glow of the flashlight, don't close yours eyes.